schizophrenia paranoia

Published on December 8, 2004 By jozuayos In Health & Medicine

could anyone tell me ur experience from schizoprenia paranoia, about what u think and feel (e.g. you feel someone can read ur mind). thanks.

Comments

Myrrander

on Dec 08, 2004

well, according to the docs, I'm a schizotypal personality, and I've never been able to get a real straight answer on what crosses the line from "schizotypal/borderline schizophrenic" to "schizophrenic." I suppose it has to do with severity of symptoms and the ability of medication to control them (I've had more luck with medication than many "fullblown" schizophrenics). But perhaps my experience will answer your question from one point of view.

It isn't so much that I feel like people can read my mind, but for me the paranoia is a case of seeing two people talking (whether I know them or not) and having the strong conviction that they are talking about me and plotting against me. Even down to "overhearing" what they are saying. Or, for example, if I'm on a bus I might hear some people laughing and assume they are laughing at me. Logic, of course, tells me that it's not true, but the conviction supersedes logic in many cases.

For me, the paranoia has taken on a more delusional form as well. I was very religious growing up, and invented all sorts of devils and imps that were plotting things -- and of course, since I was the only one that knew about them, I had to "fight" them. And if you look hard enough, you can find groups of people that will feed into this sort of delusion, blurring the lines between fantasy and reality even furthur. Scripture and myth become direct messages to you and you see plots everywhere -- I still have old friends who ask me if I still think the "Cabal" or "Illuminati" are out there plottting. It's somewhat embarrassing now, although I'd be lying if I said that I'm completely free of such thoughts.

I suppose that ideas of "psychic" or "magical" attacks might be along the lines of your question ("feel someone can read ur mind"); and I've certainly gone through period where I was convinced that there were witches or priests trying to "thwart" my attempts to stand against their "cabal."

All this sounds ridiculous when I type it out, but then again, it wouldn't be a mental illness if it made sense, right? And I don't ever use that as an excuse for my actions, either -- and luckily I've never gone so far over the edge as to do any serious harm to myself or anyone else.

Not sure why you're asking about this, out of curiosity or because you cope with this too, but I hope that I answered your question adequately.

Cheers,

Michael

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